Last week, I explored how overindulgence—a distortion of self-care—can create a cycle of avoidance, shielding us from difficult situations, realities, and decisions. Overindulgence feeds instant gratification, robbing us of the meaningful accomplishments, discipline, and growth that emerge from leaning into challenges. But how do we find ourselves stuck in overindulgent behaviors? What thought patterns or emotional states lead us there?

The answer lies in the connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions. As the saying goes, we think, we feel, we do. Our thoughts influence our emotions, which, in turn, drive our actions. To understand overindulgence, we can examine the abuse cycle and recognize how its phases influence our relationship with ourselves.

The Cycle of Self-Abuse: Recognizing the Tension Phase

The abuse cycle includes phases like tension, explosion, and honeymoon. When applied to self-abuse, this cycle becomes an internal struggle. For example:

• In the tension phase, negative self-talk, guilt, shame, resentment, and bitterness build up. We may justify, normalize, or minimize unhealthy thoughts and behaviors to avoid addressing deeper pain.

• In the explosion phase, this tension can manifest as self-sabotage—through unhealthy habits, harmful decisions, or overindulgence.

• The honeymoon phase follows, where we soothe ourselves with temporary comforts instead of addressing the root of our struggles.

Breaking free from this cycle requires courage, self-awareness, and the willingness to face discomfort. Below are five steps to move out of the tension phase, stop the cycle of self-abuse, and embrace self-love and personal strength.

1. Move From Denial to Acceptance

Denial traps us in the cycle. Minimizing, justifying, or normalizing unhealthy behavior might feel like self-protection, but it ultimately prevents growth. Many people who experienced verbal abuse, bullying, or shame in childhood associate being wrong with weakness or punishment. To avoid this pain, they carry defensive habits into adulthood, such as avoiding responsibility or downplaying mistakes.

But these habits rob us of the power to change. Real acceptance comes from recognizing that mistakes and failures are opportunities for growth—not reflections of our worth. By embracing our imperfections, we free ourselves to take responsibility and begin necessary changes.

2. Face Difficult Emotions Head-On

Avoiding difficult emotions only amplifies their control over us. These emotions might seem overwhelming, but they are essential for emotional maturity and psychological growth. When we lean into discomfort, we acknowledge what our subconscious already knows is there.

Facing emotions like sadness, anger, or fear strengthens our resilience. It builds trust within ourselves, showing that we are capable of handling life’s challenges. Over time, this trust becomes the foundation of self-love and emotional strength.

3. Reframe Your Inner Dialogue With Positive Affirmations

Our inner dialogue is often shaped by the messages we received growing up. If those messages were critical or shaming, they may still echo in our minds as negative self-talk. However, we have the power to re-parent ourselves by replacing harmful thoughts with positive affirmations.

Identify empowering quotes, affirmations, or scriptures, and place them where you’ll see them daily. For example:

• “I am worthy of love and growth.”

• “Mistakes are lessons, not failures.”

Over time, these affirmations can help rewrite the narrative you’ve been telling yourself, fostering self-compassion and confidence.

4. Take Responsibility for Change

Accountability is not enough if it doesn’t lead to action. Apologizing for the same behavior repeatedly signals that you are stuck in a loop. Breaking free requires stepping beyond accountability and embracing the responsibility to change.

This process can be uncomfortable—it often involves confronting difficult emotions, resisting old habits, and making deliberate choices to grow. The key is to stay consistent, even when tempted to retreat into the honeymoon phase. Growth requires effort, but the rewards of self-trust and personal transformation are worth it.

5. Embrace Quality Self-Care

As discussed last week, true self-care is not overindulgence but a commitment to nurturing yourself in meaningful ways. Replace destructive habits with activities that promote well-being, such as:

• Journaling to process your thoughts and emotions

• Exercising or walking to release tension and boost energy

• Practicing mindfulness, prayer, or meditation

• Spending quality time with loved ones or pets

• Exploring creative outlets like painting, music, or writing

These activities not only help you heal but also empower you to build a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself.

Breaking Free to Thrive

Breaking the cycle of self-abuse is not easy, but it is possible. By moving from denial to acceptance, facing difficult emotions, reframing your inner dialogue, taking responsibility for change, and embracing self-care, you can reclaim your power and nurture a life of self-love and strength.

This transformation is not just for you—it allows you to love others in healthier, more authentic ways. As you grow, you’ll inspire those around you to do the same.

What steps will you take today to break the cycle? Let’s commit to the journey together. Remember, you got this!

-Dr. Jennie

© 2025 Dr. Jennie. All Rights Reserved.
This blog post is the intellectual property of Dr. Jennie and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or republished without express written permission from the author.