While not everyone knows the ins and outs of car mechanics, most drivers understand the urgency of an overheating engine. Seeing the temperature gauge rise sparks an immediate need to take action. Even without technical knowledge of the consequences, most people recognize that continuing to drive an overheating car is a bad idea. For those who don’t know, pushing forward can lead to a blown head gasket—a costly and damaging result.

Ironically, the same thing happens when we let our emotions overheat—we blow a head gasket. So, why do we keep driving? Why do we push forward in a conversation even when our emotional temperature is rising? It can be difficult to stop when a discussion sparks defensiveness, frustration, or the urge to “set the record straight.” However, pushing through in the heat of the moment often leads to regret, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.

Understanding what keeps us from making a healthier choice—and how we can prevent an emotional wreck—can help us become more aware of when it’s time to pull over.

Why We Keep Driving (Even When We’re Overheating)

1. Lack of Self-Awareness – We’re so accustomed to emotional outbursts that we don’t recognize the early warning signs. Increased heart rate, shallow breathing, and tension in the body are all signals that we’re overheating, but we may not be paying attention.

2. Normalization of Reactivity – If we’ve spent years reacting rather than responding, blowing up might feel normal. While we may regret it afterward, we minimize or excuse our behavior because it feels familiar.

3. Blame Mentality – We justify our emotional reaction by blaming others. If we were talking about actual cars, we might blame another driver for cutting us off. In the same way, we convince ourselves that someone else's words or actions “made” us lose control.

4. Limiting Beliefs – We might believe we go from calm to furious instantly, reinforcing the idea that we have no control over our reactions. However, emotions build up over time. Stress, frustration, and unprocessed feelings accumulate, making it easier for us to explode when triggered.

5. Being Under the Influence – Substances like alcohol impair our ability to recognize physiological warning signs. Alcohol increases body temperature, making it harder to detect rising blood pressure or the release of stress hormones like cortisol.

How to Pull Over and Cool Down

When you notice your emotional temperature rising, the best thing you can do is pull over—pause and allow yourself to cool down before reacting. Here are some effective strategies:

1. Walk Away – Physically remove yourself from the situation to create space between you and the trigger.

2. Take a Walk – Movement helps release built-up energy. Walking outdoors is even better, as exposure to sunlight can boost serotonin levels, promoting a sense of calm.

3. Exercise – Channel your energy into a physical outlet to prevent it from manifesting as an outburst.

4. Pray or Meditate – These practices increase mindfulness, bring awareness to your body, and cultivate humility, which can help lower stress hormones.

5. Call a Voice of Reason – Avoid venting to someone who will fuel your anger. Instead, reach out to a friend, mentor, or coach who will provide wisdom and perspective.

6. Practice Mindful Breathing – Deep, intentional breathing improves oxygen flow to the brain, supporting clear thinking and emotional regulation.

7. Count Backwards – This simple technique engages the logical part of your brain, giving your emotions a moment to settle.

8. Laugh It Off – Humor is a powerful way to diffuse tension. Saying something like “Not today, cortisol!” or recalling a funny memory can help shift your mindset.

9. Journal – Writing down your thoughts helps you process emotions, recognize patterns, and gain clarity. Handwriting, in particular, has been shown to improve cognitive processing and memory retention.

Hold Yourself Accountable to Change

While awareness and strategies are helpful, real change comes from commitment. If you struggle with reacting instead of responding and have faced painful consequences because of it, take responsibility. You are the only one who can decide to pull over before things escalate.

Start paying attention to your physiological responses, and when you feel your temperature rising, take positive action. Give yourself time to process your thoughts and emotions before responding. Over time, these small choices will lead to a more controlled, thoughtful, and empowered version of yourself. It will empower you to respond versus react. Not only will you have a better chance of being heard, but you will feel better about you! Rather than processing and working through the damage created by impulsive reactions, you will be celebrating your ability to have self-control and controlled responses. Remember, you got this!

-Dr. Jennie

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